So I’ve been having a series of bad days. Didn’t really blog about it, didn’t really journal about it much. But for the last few weeks, I’ve felt, in the words of Bilbo Baggins, like butter scraped over too much bread. And the worst of it was the feeling of inevitability attached to it all. The feeling that life is completely out of my control, and predetermined to be hard and bad and pointless.Â
I felt like I was missing something, and I couldn’t really place what it was. The more I tried to connect to family, friends, work, Christ, anything meaningful, the more I felt like I was separated from all these things. The problem was me, and I knew it. I wasn’t being the person I wanted to be, wasn’t being a person I felt good about being. I was angry and disappointed in myself, but felt like I couldn’t do any better.
So Thursday night, Chris came home from his uncle’s funeral, and he was mad and disappointed with himself too, albeit regarding different issues. And he was struggling to translate that into something positive and productive, instead of just doing what we all tend to do with that, and beating himself up pointlessly. So I just decided, right then, that the next day was going to be a good day. No matter what stuff beyond my control happened, I could control my attitude and my actions. I could turn those things, even slightly, in a better direction.Â
So I got up Friday morning, painted my fingernails, and headed in to work. And told everyone all day long: “Today is a good day.” At the beginning of the day, it was said with conviction. There were a couple of points in the day, I’m sure I didn’t sound terribly convincing, but I said it anyway. I said it in faith.Â
It was a short day. We’ve been working a lot of overtime and weekends at work, trying to get a big project completed. And initially, when I found out that they were sending us home early, I admit I didn’t feel relieved. It felt like another layer of pressure. “Great, now I have to get the same amount of work done in less time.” But I decided it was a good day, and that leaving early was a good thing, and that things would work out. And strangely enough, they did. All the crazy stuff just… kept getting resolved, one thing at a time, till when 2:00 rolled around, I was actually caught up, with no crises in need of aversion.Â
So I went into the conference room, and the management team thanked the production people for working so hard for the last few weeks. It was a very positive meeting. Then they dismissed all the people to start their weekend… except the ones who had been working late, coming in early, and doing weekends. I have to admit, my heart sank a little. I think we all thought that we were going to be told “Hey, I know we were going to let you go early, but it’s just not possible.”Â
That’s not what they said. What they said was… well it was good news. The people they kept in got some tangible recognition for their extra effort. I’m not going to blog the exact nature of that recognition, and really, the exact nature of it isn’t important to this story. It was significant. And it meant a lot to me, because to me, it didn’t just mean my supervisors at work recognized that I had been perservering despite a struggle, but that God recognized it as well. I firmly believe God put it on their heart to do what they did.Â
It was a good day.
So I was checking out the website of a new band that I’m really liking, Needtobreathe. And if you want to see how to make a really excellent music video with a lot of creativity and $183, check out their video for Shine On at www.needtobreathe.net. But I was reading their bio, and I got to this:Â
“We feel like you can change your life in a day,’ Bear explains, ‘at any time, at any point. Â Basic decisions that you make can affect your life completely. I think in many ways, that is the theme of the record. Regardless of where you are in your situation, every passing moment is a chance to turn it all around.”
Amen.
